i'm a white writer. in new york. original, no? i've been blogging since october 2002. this blog picks up in october 2008, when i moved from DC to NY...(and then I moved to Maine in 2012)

Friday, October 31, 2008

BAGEL SIGHTING: Halloween Is for Whorey Outfits

After I finished working for the peacock today, I saw yet another mediocre play--my second this week.

Went through Times Square to get there. Forgot it was Halloween. Tits and ass galore. Swaggering packs of boys hissing boozy lewdness. In a few hours all the cool kids'll be having some form of sex they'll regret. Then they'll puke. Then they'll wake up and be all, "So." "So." "Coffee?" "Sure," while the renegade sperm beelines for the egg.

Ah, love.

At the theatre, I was like, "Is that someone dressed up like Fred Armisen?" Then I was all, "IS that Fred Armisen?"*

It was Ben Brantley. In the flesh. In the costume of a scary theater critic.

My 14th day in the city, and my first celebrity sighting is Ben Brantley.

I also saw my first rat.

*I adore Fred Armisen.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

THURSDAY SLICE: Very Berry Potpourri Edition

Slice of pie: Yummy gummy pecan grabbed from the bakery on the way home.

"Slice of Life" aka Naturalism: All the little things that don't make up full blog posts by themselves.

Pi: Goes on forever.

See? How it is, is pie works on many levels. 'Cause that's how pie rolls. Sideways.

1) All my female friends in NY are pregnant. Okay, only two, but that's like a lot. Both are having boys, and one is having twins. I'm fascinated, but I know there's nothing I can do.

2) There was an accordion player in the subway this morning. For a moment it made the stench of urine go away. Still, I did not tip him.

3) I downsized the jeans I bought in Harlem. I could be wrong, but I think my Manhattan Ass is beginning to reveal itself. It's called "Lift" and "Separate," people, lift and separate.

4) This pie is good. A little on the sweet side.

5) 90-Day Goals: two spec scripts and one short story. The former for money, the latter for fun.

6) I can't vote. Stayed with friends in CT while I looked for a NYC job and home. Didn't know how long it'd take, so I registered in CT. Moved to NY 13 days ago, too late to register in NY. Can't get back to CT Tuesday for less than $150, involving trains and long cab-rides. F*ck me hard without taking my pants off.

7) Dreamt I killed a strange white man twice by shooting him in bed. In his big brown left eye.

8) I am seeing very few men on the subway or street I would screw.

9) The network where I Ninja-Temp broadcasts a show Saturday nights at 11:30pm. The floor I work on is right above that floor, and there's a little glass balcony where you can look down over the studio. Today was the day they were rehearsing, so I wandered over three times to peek. It was always just crew.

10) The majority of the people I work with are in India. I IM them all day and they ignore me. Happy Diwali.

11) Saw a reading of The Cenci by Shelley on Monday night. Incest and murder--yum.

12) Saw Crawl, Fade to White last night.

13) Seeing Mouth to Mouth Friday night. High expectations.

14) Am not doing Halloween this year, unless you count hanging out with my Black cat. Whom I can't vote for on Tuesday.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


#1: Listening to someone chew an entire bowl of cereal with their mouth open is profoundly irritating.

#2: So late yesterday someone landed a zinger that send me reeling. It only happens a few times a year now, as I've learned all sorts of ways of managing this relationship. There's no point being on guard, because the missiles that get through are so strategic, they would shatter any defensive border I could erect anyway, and who wants to walk around being paranoid.

I was up very late, tending to my hurt, when I realized, at 3:24am, that my life is pretty damn great. I'm living and working in the city I've always wanted to be in, and I have a small career as a writer of Things.

This someone can't touch that.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Hope. Change. Ultra Sheen.

I hope that when Obama's elected, he goes all Reparations on America's ass.

And that he grows a nice thick 'fro.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Stranger on A Train

You make friends.

Tonight I was supposed to go to Waverly Inn, but my pal is stuck on assignment in DC. I really don't mind because yesterday I ran into a giant wall of tired.

One week in NY and the YES keeps growing in my belly. Still, it hasn't been easy--having to move my stuff in a series of road trips in an SUV because, while I know a lot of people in NY, they're all either pregnant or have bad backs and so I am unloading all my crapola alone. With the flu. Slept very little this week thanks to the rug I bought for my nap-cubby; the off-gasses were making my nose bleed/sore throat/stomach-ache so I rolled it up in garbage bags and will have to return it.

Bitch bitch bitch.

I dig my new job--my boss buys me venti iced chai and shares insider NY scoopage. (Still no celebrity sighting--they must have a special door. Guards everywhere.) I succeeded with the wardrobe and hair corrections (posts below). Got to know my roommate a little. Cooked some pasta. Grocery shopped. Rearranged my room. All lovely. And this weekend I get to sleeeeeeeeeep.

And I made my first random subway friend! He was on his way to a comedy audition. He actually made me laugh out loud on the silent, sleepy train. It was nice to know I'm not the only friendly one in this machine of a city.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Frosted shiksa.

My Albanian granddad, whom I never met, gave me my dark hair and eyes. Used to be, people would assume I was Jewish or Italian or both.*

I was like a pale ethnic schwa.

Well, last week I had an unfortunate encounter with highlights, and people now assume I've had children.

Sometimes we compare choices that are wise against those that, in retrospect, are foolish.

This ill-advised decision stemmed from NOT wanting to look like every other "serious" East Coast female theater artist, with dark, messy-banged hair and chunked-out eyeglasses. I was all, I want to be an individual. I'll be the playwright people have to take seriously despite her sloppy American blondeness and boobage.

I even wore a floral skirt the other day. If you know me, can you even picture it? NO.

All I want is a box of dark dark hair dye. Stat.

Of course I got my lanyarded plastinated magnetized work ID today, complete with a photo of my expensive mistake. Sigh. At least I look like I have a black eye in the pic. Yeah, 'cause I'm a badass ninja cube-rat.

*That I worked at a synagogue and speak Italian supported these assumptions.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

THURSDAY SLICE: Have junk, need trunk.

Back in Washington DC, I worked at a non-profit. I taught playwriting. I wore jeans.




Cute top, pair of chucks, good to go.

Here in NY, I work at a major network conglorporation. Now, I'm only in Day Two of my new job, but already it is clear as New York tap water that I need a new wardrobe to look like the card-carrying member of the liberal media elite that I am. (Read: Cool Without Caring.) I've got jackets, shoes, and tops, but nothing for my lower half.

Now, I'm patiently waiting for my Manhattan Ass to arrive. I've been hoofing it for dozens of blocks each day, up and down hills, escalators, and stairs, moving into my new apartment, etc. My cardiac efficiency has zoomed into healthy goodness, but I have yet to observe a corresponding tightening of my southern hemisphere. So, to cover the excess real estate in some semblance of hipsterish respectability until the inevitable downsizing occurs, I went shopping in midtown on my lunch break for some funky cool jeans and corduroys.

H&M doesn't carry clothes above size 12. Neither does Zara. Nor J Crew.

So I went to Harlem.

On 125th Street, I found a magnificent plethora of trousers to choose from in all size of Plenty.

They understand the needs of thick girls in Harlem.

Two pair of cords, one pair of jeans, and one messenger bag to wear jauntily on the "hip."

All so I can blend in. Because that's why I moved to New York City, to blend in.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I live with a Civil War reenactor.

Finally reading The Killer Angels.

As I shut the book last night, I noticed that IJ was perched high on a table by my bedroom door, the better to both stalk and defend herself against her new roommate. They are evenly matched in size and number of claws, but it has not been an easy friendship so far. They are having deep philosophical disagreements, the sense of which I can only guess at.

I couldn't help but think, as she sat there, ten bayonets at the ready, that she was like Colonel Chamberlain, in position on Little Round Top. (Because my cat would definitely be wearing blue. Fighting for the rights of Her People. [She's black.] If'n they'd've let females fight back then. Or cats.)

I know it's like Pulitzer Prize good and all, but some of it's hard to stomach. Not the killing bits, the appropriative and interpretive bits. Still, I'm almost done.

Speaking of miscegenation, artistic and otherwise, this is what can happen when people from opposite sides lay down their weapons, or rather, when they combine their weapons into a sugary, percussive strudel. A watering down, in my opinion, of each song's strengths, but fun.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Nocturnal repetition.

In my dream last night I yelled, twice and loudly, "Holy balls!"

I have no idea why.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


Tiny roaches.

Last night was the first night I spent in my 10x9' nap-cubby.

At 4am the guy above me started pacing in his 10x9' nap-cubby. Creaky hardwood floors. Two hours.

The formaldehyde or whatever it is from my new carpet combined with the heat from my knobless radiator to glob my throat and swell my tongue, so I had to sleep with my door open.

I heart NY!

Friday, October 17, 2008


In a month's time I found an apartment and a job in NYC.

The apartment was through a friend of a friend of a friend.

The job was through a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.

Tomorrow I'm chucking my cat into a borrowed SUV along with my clothes and papers, and we're moving in to our new martini palace.

My roommate also has a cat. Her cat and mine are both black, excepting hers is a little bit white, like a slave at Monticello.

I'm glad my cat will get to know her people a little better.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I am glubbinous and feverish.

I have the flu.

I got a flu shot last week.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

THURSDAY SLICE: Why I am a better candidate than Governor Palin.

I know how to pronounce nuclear.

I've been to Canada, Italy, England, Mexico, and Jamaica.

I made out with a Republican, so I'm bi-partisan.

My cat is black and I almost married a Jew. (Civil Rights: check. Middle East: check.)

My boobs are way bigger, the better to control the Senate with my VP anti-feminist, anti-humanist powers of world domination.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Been blogging six years today.

This is my fifth URL. Clean slate. Fake name.

I recently decided not to get my first tattoo.

I have amazingly accomplished friends.

Neither of my parents ever met their fathers. The one died in a fire in Alaska, the other was from Albania.

I'm trying to figure out how to write about sorrow without being precious.

Now, tell me something about yourself I never would guess. The horribler, the better.


Callie Kimball is a playwright, performer, and blogger in New York City. In her smart and often funny writing, she explores dark subjects such as parasitic relationships, emotional violence, and organized aggression. She supports her creative work with a job in Media Techology/Digital Media at NBC Universal. She's deeply interested in the opportunities and ethical challenges facing social media, especially in the power of social media to bring attention to the most marginalized members of society and their advocates.

She began blogging in 2002 as Lucky Spinster. At the height of its popularity (2004-06), “Lucky Spinster: Diary of a Dilettante” received 1,000-3,000 unique hits a day. Her first full-length play, LULU FABULOUS, was based largely on her blog, and was produced in 2005 by Phoenix Theatre DC. Other produced full-length plays include PEACE and LUCRECE (both commissioned by Washington Shakespeare Company); and MAY 39th, JUPITER ZOOM, and NUTSHELL (DC Dollies & The Rocket Bitch Revue). PEACE was nominated for the Susan Smith Blackburn Prize, and she has had four readings at the Kennedy Center Page-to-Stage Festival, including the O'Neill semi-finalist SAFEWORD. Her plays have been supported by a MacDowell Fellowship, a grant from the Ludwig Vogelstein Foundation, and a workshop by Electric Pear Productions. Her short plays have been produced in NY, LA, DC, Boston, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, and Oregon.

As a teaching artist in Washington, DC, she brought theatre and playwriting to over 1,000 students through Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company, Helen Hayes Legacy Project, Maryland Shakespeare Festival, and the National Conservatory of Dramatic Arts.

Callie founded Lizard Claw, a band of scaly playwrights from all across the country who issue absurdly difficult writing challenges to each other, evaluate them anonymously, and then produce readings of them. She also founded and ran DC Dollies & The Rocket Bitch Revue from '06 to '07—they produced plays, held readings, and raised $4,000 for the DC Rape Crisis Center with a performance of THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES at the Clark Street Playhouse.

Callie is a member of Screen Actors Guild, has served as Regional Representative (DC) for the Dramatists Guild of America, is on the Advisory Board of DC Fringe, is a former Board Member of The Actors' Center (DC), and is Literary Manager for Red Bull Theater.

Her plays are listed on Doollee. Her film/tv and stage resume is on SAG's iActor. Her current blog is “Derora Noo is not my real name.”


Regina Aquino, Sunshine Cappelletti, and Tricia McCauley
as the Scavengers in NUTSHELL at DC Fringe. Paul Gillis.


JUNE 15-17
Speaking at the #140 Character Conference
The Arts As a Shared Experience on Twitter
JULY 11-24
A DC Fringe production
of MAY 39th/40th.


[5.09 A reading of SOFONISBA at the National Museum of Women in the Arts on May 25, in collaboration with Washington Shakespeare Company. (Supported by a grant from the Ludwig Vogelstein Foundation.)

[2.09 Callie did stand-up at Comix in Ochi's Lounge for the first time.

[11.08 Electric Pear Productions will presented a reading of Callie's play MAY 39th @ The Wild Project.

[9.08 Callie's comedy PEACE, commissioned by Washington Shakespeare Company and based on Aristophanes' play, runs for five weeks.

[8.08 SOFONISBA (written with a grant from the Ludwig Vogelstein Foundation) and MAY 39th were both read at the Kennedy Center's Page-to-Stage Festival. As part of the festival, Callie also spoke on an Inkwell panel about New Play Development in Washington with Ari Roth, Blake Robison, and Nelson Pressley.

Callie's short play CHICKEN WAR was read at Fleeting Theatre Company in Portland Oregon.

[7.08 Callie has three short pieces in DC Fringe. THESE THINGS TAKE TIME is produced by Journeymen Theatre Ensemble on a bill called Ball and Chain. SUICIDE CHIMPS and PLANETY HUMANITY are performed at the eXtreme eXchange Fringe Edition.

[6.08 SUGAR ON TOP is produced at Glendale Community College.

[4.08 TAKE ME OUT TONIGHT is produced at Rogers State University in Claremore, OK.

[2.08 Lizard Claw debuts in Boston and Cambridge with 6 short plays on climate change.

DC Fringe, The Warehouse, and Pete Miller & Sara Cormeny sponsor It's Not You, It's Me, an evening of Callie's plays. Pics here.

[1.08 Callie's newly translated adaptation of Mozart's THE IMPRESARIO, commissioned by The In Series, premiered at the Atlas Performing Arts Center in Washington DC.

[12.07 She received a playwriting grant from the Ludwig Vogelstein Foundation.

Her one-minute plays were performed in Brooklyn at The Brick Theatre as part of Monarch Theater's 1-Minute Play Festival.

The first play she wrote, TAKE ME OUT TONIGHT, was performed as part of E-Town Shorts Fest at Elizabethtown College.

[9.07 THE TRAGEDY OF MARY LOU SKATONDA had a staged reading at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.

[7.07 Her play, NUTSHELL, based on T.S. Eliot's "The Waste Land," premiered on the Woolly Mammoth mainstage as part of the DC Fringe Festival. The show's MySpace page has video snippets and blog entries by the characters.

[6.07 She performed in Constellation Theatre's production of Caryl Churchill's A DREAM PLAY. “It is not until Kimball enters as the dead mother that we are treated to fully human words exchanged by fully human (though not completely alive) characters, and we can see how good the play is going to be.” DC Theatre Scene