i'm a white writer. in new york. original, no? i've been blogging since october 2002. this blog picks up in october 2008, when i moved from DC to NY...(and then I moved to Maine in 2012)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

TWEETABLES: The Velveteen Rabbit Edition

I'm almost real.

Checklist for My Transformation into a Real New Yorker

Foil a mugger.
Get a cool-sounding job.
Give directions in the Village.
Have stuff stolen from my room.
Ditch self-deprecation.
Buy extravangantly priced footwear.
Do standup.
Move 3 times in 4 months.
Never cook at home.
Get impossibly lost on the subway.
Pay people to do my laundry.
Laugh at a rat climbing stairs.
Laugh at a guy puking on the subway.
Hold my own in a roommate-story contest.
Get my super to hate me.

Be an unwitting drug mule.
Fall for someone who lives somewhere embarrassing.
Get swindled.

I'm soooo close I can taste it.

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